How "Dating" Myself Boosted My Finances (An ADHD Girlie's Guide to Money Dates)
PSA, bestie <3
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As a single, neurodivergent, millennial girlie, I’m exhausted by the idea of dating, especially in a big city like Los Angeles where it takes 45 minutes to go 8 miles… (and I’d choose LA again any day!!!!!!) Plus all the labor it takes to get ready, find parking, not to mention being overstimulated because you forgot your earplugs & the music is waaaaaayyyy too loud. Seriously, why is the music so loud?? Ehhhhh… Clearly, that dating scene is not my vibe at the moment. So what's a lady to do with all this free time, aside from listening to crime podcasts and drinking coffee with her besties? Well, she plans a money date!
I first heard this phrase “money date” from NYT Bestselling author of Financial Feminists, money coach, and founder of HerFirst100k, Tori Dunlap. I’ve been obsessed with her podcast Financial Feminist for years! I love that Tori has taught so many women how to become confident in their money, mindset, and wealth. ✨Let's go, QUEEN!!!!!! ✨
One of Tori’s recommendations is to have a money date with yourself! Grab your favorite snack, wear your comfy clothes, turn on your dopamine music &&& get yourself amped to tackle your money goals! In short, MAKE IT FUN! My ADHD brain LOVED this idea!!!! I saw this as a challenge to make my money dates fun for me! So here’s a list of fun ideas for your money date night:
1. Invite a trusted friend to join you - aka body doubling!!! So many of my first money dates were with friends. We were able to tackle our research, questions, and goals together. When I first started my money dates, I wanted to understand the basics of retirement & investing. This felt so scary to do on my own. So, my friends and I researched together, opened retirement accounts, and made sure we were investing! Girlies who invest together, stay together! We learned so much and I’m so grateful for everyone who was vulnerable enough to share their money journey with me. Through money dates, I was able to watch my friends and family become confident in their money and step into their power in a whole new way. <3 <3 <3
2. Food & Beverages - Order food from your fave place… stop at Trader Joes… The goal is to have your comfort foods - sounds like a ✨girl dinner, girl dinner, girl dinner ✨:) There’s something so iconic about drinking a fizzy beverage & snacking on chips and salsa, while opening a high yield savings account. Sometimes, I’ll grab some fresh flowers and make my own cute arrangements to look at while tackling my next money goal. <3
3. Have a dance party (or move your body) - No, seriously! Find your favorite playlist, dance, sing your heart out… whatever feels natural to you. I’d say about 3 to 5 minutes and you’re golden! ✨ Literally, don’t overthink it. ✨ The goal here is to boost your dopamine. We’re going to dopamine snatch your dance party and conquer our money!!!!! I’m no scientist or doctor but I know starting “the thing” can be difficult. So, getting this rush of dopamine can help you jump start your brain to accomplish your goal…. (OHHH I have a new side quest. Make a money related dopamine playlist *immediately adds Rhianna*) <3 <3
... and here's the playlist lol <3!!!!!
4. Set MANAGEABLE goals. Listen, you overachiever and recovering perfectionist - If you give 110% of yourself, you ARE going to burn out, spiral, quit, and straight up LIE to yourself about your worth. *says to myself while looking in mirror* (If you feel called out, I want to pause and tell you that you are worthy of all of life’s goodness. k thanks :) Also I’d recommend you unclench your jaw and drop your shoulders - mk time for relaxing <3) With my ADHD brain, I need to break things into small tasks. I now abide by the 20% theory. It’s something I came up with after suffering from years of burn out and my health was literally declining SO HARD. I was not functional.
20% Theory - The point of the idea is to do a ✨little ✨ something that leads towards accomplishing a goal. Pick the easiest thing for you to do. For you precise people, this is not a literal 20%. It’s the… essence of 20% (“Ya, I’m taking the essence” iykyk) It’s the “it’s good enough” approach. Anyway…. Here’s an example: If I’m leaving a room, I can take a quick glance around and look for all the cups, water bottles, etc and move them to the kitchen. I didn’t unload, load, and start the washer (that’s a lot of tasks for me) but I accomplished roughly 20% of the goal by getting the items near the dishwasher. #drinkgoblin Then at the end of the day, I can go to bed knowing I did a little something for myself :)
If we apply the 20% theory to our finances, maybe the 20% is…
Jotting down a quick list of your goals
Research high yield savings account
Protip: Set yourself three timers.
1.) 45 minute timer to research hysa
2.) 5 minute break
3.) 10 minute to open hysa
Identify usernames & passwords to financial accounts
Identifying a list of all your monthly expenses
Cancel any unused subscription
Find financial content creators like yourself, i.e. women, POC, ADHD, chronically ill… (There’s something so healing about hearing stories you relate to.)
Listen to a financial podcast
Open a library account
Order a book on personal finance
Subscribe to this blog for AMAZING resources :)
Oddly, those were some of my first manageable goals I made for myself… hmmm… ;)
5. Celebrate EVERY accomplishment! No matter how small. You’re moving that dial into financial confidence - ✨It should be celebrated! ✨High fives, fist bumps, jump up and down, tell a friend your good news!!!! YOU EARNED IT QUEEN!!!! Add that to your affirmations. Go ahead, I dare you!
Now, I invite you to think about what you’d add to your money date! Who would you invite? What snacks would you bring? What's on your dopamine playlist?
Disclaimer: Please note, nothing in this post is meant to be medical or financial advice, mk? I’m just sharing what’s worked for me and what I love—not trying to be a doctor or financial planner. You do you, boo—and talk to a pro when you need one. All information provided is for general information only and does not constitute any professional advice. We assume no liability or responsibility for implementation of information contained on this blog. Please talk to a professional. <3
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HELLLOOOO! Hey! HI! How are ya? I’m Chris! Your friendly neighborhood millennial, neurodivergent, and chronically ill girlie trying to manage life & all its super-duper exciting twists and turns. I hope you enjoy reading & learning with me!.